Are you having your way with life or is life having its way with you. Is life whoopin’ that ass and turning you every which a way but loose?
If this resonates with you, come on in sis. I got some questions for you.
“What can remain, what must exit?
Where do you need to be selfless and where can you be selfish?
What would it take for you to have the help and support you need?
What does it look like to have the freedom and space to just be?
Are you completely locked in and feeling trapped in your situation?
Or Is it a loss of direction and lack of motivation?
Is it the overconsumption of media and dangerous path of comparison?
Or is the lack of self-belief and need for mental expansion?
Is it the therapy or counseling you keep putting off?
Don’t let that trauma just fester-gon’ let it out
Audre Lorde said, caring for oneself is an act of self-preservation
So, on the other side self-love is more peace and constant revelation
We all have the ability to romanticize and have our way with life,
We just gotta remove the mental clutter and find that inner light
So, ask yourself these questions and make room for change
And remain steadfast and prepare to be amazed.”
To begin, I intentionally started this discussion by posing a series of reflective questions. These questions are meant to prompt you to consider the influences that may be impacting your well-being, such as media consumption, comparison, self-belief, or unaddressed emotional needs. Building on this foundation, I am providing a few practical tips to help guide you toward creating positive change in your life. These suggestions are designed as actionable steps to support your personal growth and encourage self-discovery as you work toward finding greater peace and fulfillment.
Tip #1: Decide What Can Go, and What Can Stay.
Meaning, take inventory of your life and decide what the situations and circumstances you have control over are. In psychology we call this assessing what’s in your locus of control (Rotter, 1966). This refers to the notion that some aspects of our lives are within our internal locus of control-meaning we drive the outcome-and that other factors of our lives may be controlled by external factors, Yes, there are some things in life that are outside of our control, but for the things that are within our internal locus of control, we hold the power. So, the energy you choose to carry, the people you choose to surround yourself, and the small micro-habits you develop-rest with you.
Tip #2: Develop a Reset Mindset and Not a Regret Mindset.
Let me drop another psychology gem here-have you ever heard of the growth mindset versus the fixed mindset? When operating from a fixed mindset, we believe that our circumstances or setbacks are permanent, however, when we choose to adopt a growth mindset, we believe we can reset and change for the better (Dweck, 2016). So, when we decide to implement a reset vs. regret mindset, this perspective helps us shift our inner dialogue from a negative, self-defeating tone-to one that is of compassion and grace. Yes, you may not be proud of every decision and choice you’ve made, however, those mistakes can be viewed as an opportunity to grow, as opposed to harboring feelings of regret. So, how can you use life’s difficulties or mishaps as an opportunity to reset? Incorporating practices like journaling, practicing self-compassion, and even attending some therapy sessions are all things that have helped me reframe setbacks as learning opportunities.
Tip #3: Move with Wisdom and Intention.
Once you’ve identified what aspects of your life is within your control and have developed a reset mindset vs. regret mindset, it’s time to make a move. There’s a popular saying that states, “nothing comes to a dreamer but a dream.” This means that while dreaming is valuable, real progress comes from taking concrete steps.
So, start considering the small things you can begin doing today that bring you a sense of joy and peace. Think about the daily choices you can make right now to move closer to your personal goals. These decisions, though simple, can have a meaningful impact on your overall well-being. Incorporate self-care habits into your routine that uplift your spirit and nurture your inner self. For instance, you might add a few healthy meal options to your week, treat yourself to a coffee or dinner outing, or create a relaxing environment by running a bath a few nights instead of just taking a shower. Each of these choices reflects an intention to care for yourself and to move forward with wisdom and purpose.
Tip #4: Put Your Fears into Gear.
This is an old quote of mine that I originally posted a few years ago. Putting your fears into gear is about having the courage to move beyond the boundaries of fear and step confidently into new experiences. It’s about showing up for yourself, even when negative thoughts and opinions -whether your own or others’-try to hold you back.
If you constantly listen to the doubts of others, it may cause you to miss out on great opportunities. Being able to have your way with life means stepping into all what God has called you to be, which will require you to step outside of your usual comfort zone. So, once you identify that ‘thing’ that best suits your life, develop a game plan and push your fears to the side and go for it. Be proactive and committed to the life you envision for yourself.
This marks the conclusion of my two-part series for October. So, in closing, romanticizing life and living on your own terms isn’t just about doing things that feel good; it’s also about making choices that might push you outside your comfort zone. Creating moments that honor your needs may sometimes require saying no to others. Having your way is just as much about shaping your life according to what you value and prioritize, ensuring your actions align with your true self.
💜-Dr. Jas
References:
Dweck, C. (2016). What having a “growth mindset” actually means. Harvard business review, 13(2), 2-5.
Rotter, J. (1966). Generalized expectancies for internal versus external control of reinforcements. Psychological Monographs, 80, 609.
